Day 4-How am I doing?

It may seem a wee bit early to evaluate myself with my goals, but I'm going to anyway--I'm determined to make many changes--permanent changes--starting this year. :)

Fun Goals:

Reading--I haven't read too much yet, but I did start Anne of Green Gables on my Galaxy tablet. :) Loving it--I never knew the books would be so awesome!

Language Learning--no efforts put in just yet for this year, mostly because I had to return my French book to the library on the 27th. I will utilize more of my free time toward finding free online stuff to learn with once this weekend passes--my parents are coming for dinner, and I've been cleaning and organizing like crazy!

Organize our home--doing great there! I've worked on getting rid of lots of stuff and cleaning up and it's going pretty well.

Give up caffeine--doing fine there, I haven't had any soda so far this year. I will still have some occasionally but want to eliminate most soda and caffeine this year.

More serious Goals:

Weight: I'm currently around 143 (ugh), but that's better than a couple of weeks ago! I went on my first walk of the year today and I'm wiped. :) For a snack I had raisins and water, since walking got my appetite up.

Spacious Skies: I have been reading up on business plans (or at least I did a few nights ago) and writing down my thoughts and ideas. It's a step in the right direction. I really need to pick up my camera more often and more purposefully.

Bible Reading: mostly a fail so far. :( And this is important. I need to crack the whip on this one and get better!

Goals for 2012

I have created my goals for 2012! I'm in a productive mood, which will hopefully continue consistently as 2011 becomes the new year. I feel more accomplished and peaceful when I've been productive. So I am posting these goals publicly in hopes that some of my readers might occasionally hold me accountable to them! I'm only editing them slightly for personal reasons (meaning, leaving out small details) and so they appear simpler--I'm not including the steps I have outlined for obtaining the goals. Those are up to me!

So here they are:

1. Obtain and maintain my goal weight.

2. Officially create Spacious Skies Photography

3. Begin reading Bible daily, with a purpose.

These are my MAJOR goals, the ones I consider to be important and top-priority. I also have some FUN goals! :)

1. Read at least 25 books I haven’t read before—10 classics.

2. Re-learn French

3. Organize our apartment/home.

4. Give up caffeinated soda.

Tell me what you think! I'd also love to hear ideas from your own experience about how to obtain these goals and remember them throughout the year!

Conviction and Commitment

Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts.

I was feeling angry. Again. Angry at being treated in a way I thought unfair and at being judged for the attitudes of my heart. Angry at not being listened to and at being pushed away.

A goal of mine recently has been to swallow my anger and try to deal with the situation in love. For me, clinging to anger is easy because it allows me to feel righteous. It reminds me I did nothing wrong and that it's the OTHER person's fault, so screw them.

I feel blessed that lately God has laid much compassion on my heart. Despite the depth of hurt I have experienced recently, His power in me has remained stronger. By the grace of God I've been able to swallow my anger, hurt and pride in most cases and demonstrate love. His love. Unconditional love. (I'm not giving myself praise here--this is the power of GOD working in me alone. I'm not capable).

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others." -Philippians 2:3-4

Yesterday, a thought entered my head:

"what kind of person am I, if I'm so focused on things I see someone else do that hurt me, rather than being willing to see where *I* need to grow and change? Who can I change--myself, or others?"

Deep....right?!

It's so easy to focus on what someone else is doing to hurt me. It's much more difficult to see past the raging beast to the beating heart inside, and all the more difficult to love that heart tenderly through the pain in your own heart. That's what God is teaching me lately. It's really profound. I'm understanding His love so much more when I'm giving unconditional love to another person.

At the same time, I've never experienced so much emotional pain. The pain runs deep... when you love someone through their ugliness and they refuse to love you through your own. When they refuse to talk, refuse to truly forgive, refuse to care, refuse to see your love for them. It hurts somethin' fierce.

But the second piece of the lesson for me comes through that pain--God loves us through the pain we constantly inflict in every sin we commit. Jesus paid for it all. He felt every sting. That's unfathomable to me. But I know the hurt I feel and I know how deep and profound it is... so magnify that countless times and that's God's heart.

My goal now is to resolutely love through the pain and to give all I have if it means demonstrating the unconditional love of God to another. People are hurting, people are lost. People don't understand what it's like to be loved by someone who will never leave. People don't understand why someone doesn't get angry when they are hurt--or rather, why they don't react to the anger they feel.

It's only by the grace of God.

Moving Backwards

Often times people think of moving backwards as a bad thing. Recently, I've been trying to move "backwards" in positive ways! I want to lessen distractions in my life and "simplify". I think these are the Footsteps that God wants me to follow right now, because ultimately it leads to a better focus on Him.

What are some steps on that journey?

They involve all different aspects of my life: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual.

One thing I have been learning lately is how to cook on my own. I've learned to bake my own bread, make my own cheese sauce (and thus homemade mac n cheese!), and a lot of other cooking that I never thought I could do! Jason and I eat out SO much less, which is so much better for our health! The fact that we are losing weight is quite motivational in the process as well. :) This improves my life:

1. physically, because I am putting better things into my body and also losing weight

2. mentally because there is tremendous reward in enjoying the fruits of my labor!

3. emotionally: I enjoy learning new things and succeeding at them (even if it's not right away!)

4. spiritually: because by providing healthy meals and food for my husband I am obeying God's commands for wives by providing food for my family.

Another thing I have been trying to do is cut back my dependence on technology. I find that in my "idle" moments I'm often tempted to fill my time by browsing on Facebook, surfing the internet for interesting articles (which CAN be a good thing), turn on the TV for a show or a movie... on occasion I'm tempted to do something good like read, but at the same time I look around my small home and notice how easily it gets cluttered. How many things need doing. And sometimes that makes me want to watch a movie MORE, because it is overwhelming. More and more though I remember the Lord's words in Proverbs 31:27, "She watches over the affairs of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Those are convicting words. It's TOUGH, as a wife, to fulfill my duty to my husband and home by keeping it clean and good food on the table AND work 2 jobs. Jason helps where he can but he works much more than I do. And so I need to let myself be stretchable and trust that the Lord will make me sufficient by His grace. And in the end, there are few better things than sitting down to relax with a snack and a good book after a few hours cleaning up the apartment!
This improves my life:

1. physically: I get exercise while I am up and about getting things done! Much more than being a couch potato!

2. mentally: It's stimulating to be up doing things rather than a couch potato. My mind feels more fresh and I don't get as many headaches!

3. emotionally: again being up moving around keeps my mind busy and keeps my mind from wandering to subjects which only bring me down.

4. spiritually: again I'm directly obeying one of God's commands by keeping my home a safehaven for my family!

Future goals for providing for my family, saving money, and leading a happier, healthier, more God-focused lifestyle include:

growing my own garden

keeping a steady monthly budget

getting rid of debts

learning new skills such as changing the oil in a car

Spending more REGULAR time getting to know the Lord.

...and anything else I can think of. :)

Goals

In my last post I wrote out two goals that I hope to achieve in the near future:

1. no more than 2 hours per day on my computer and

2. exercising 5 days per week.

So far, I'm doing alright, making progress.

For #1, it's tough right now as I'm constantly dealing with wedding planning via email or website. But I'm trying to cut back more and more on time I just spend "dinking around" on the computer, and put my efforts into more important things--taking care of my house and chores, playing with my cat, spending time with God. Things that I think will help me be a better wife, too. :)

For #2, definitely close! My work schedule makes it very difficult to get to 5 days per week. Last week was my first week really starting out because I'd been sick--this week so far I exercised Sunday, Monday and Tuesday! Tomorrow is an off day, mostly due to a long, 2-job work day. Thursday is on, Friday will be off for the same reasons as Weds. So if I do Thurs and Sat, my goal for the week will be achieved. :) Yay!

To be honest #2 feels like my main focus right now. I hate looking at the scale... I am apparently more heavy and overweight than I look. I'm thankful that I hold my weight well. I don't look fat or even out of shape, really. (I've always had big hips.) But I want to drop that weight and be and feel healthier. Every time I get out and walk/jog, it helps!

I've also been slowly working on another goal--eating more meals at home and cooking healthy meals. I cooked a delicious fish recipe tonight! Reminded me of schnitzel because the fish is breaded, but it's a bit healthier because it uses a dressing mix and vegetable oil instead of egg and flour. If it weren't for the dressing mix the fish would've been quite bland. I added whole wheat angel hair, tomato sauce, and steamed broccoli to balance things out, and it was delicious! Jason loved it too, which always says something. :) It's super fun finding easy and delicious recipes to cook. Arms me with much more to work with once we are married!

So I'm adding my third and fourth goals now.

#3. Cook a healthy meal at home 3-4 nights per week (eating leftovers for at least 2 of the other days). I want to make it 6 nights per week eating at home once we are married. I know that won't always work but the goal is to do this MOST of the time.

#4. Spend 30 minutes reading each day. Reading is relaxing and stimulating all at once. It's good for me. This is in addition to quiet time with the Lord; book is my choice, be it fiction or non-fiction. Right now I'm re-reading for the umpteenth time A Woman After God's Own Heart, a very encouraging book my friend Becky gave me a long time ago. It sure helps me focus on areas to grow in as a believer and as a (future) wife.

God is good--He's helping me grow and change. He's helping me with these exterior changes to my life as well as working on my heart. I love when He does that.

Wonder

As I was taking my walk today, I was observing lots of things around me. I definitely noted the crisp air as I breathed it in and felt it cool my skin. I noticed the different designs of houses in my neighborhood, and noted which ones looked nice and which were run down. I noted the parents walking their kids home from school, or the ones who walked alone. I noted that most people I passed avoided eye contact. I noted a teenager standing behind a shed in a backyard, texting on his phone. I noted younger kids playing outside in the same backyard. I noted the noise coming from many passing cars and people.

All of this made me think about the world God created for us. Some of the things I noted made me smile. They reminded me what a wonderful world I get to live in right now. Other things made me realize how often I, and others, forget to experience "wonder".

I notice in life how distracted I get with technology in particular. I can't knock on technology--I love it. I love being able to instantly contact people via the internet or texting. I love being able to receive news of important events quickly. I love the entertainment TV and movies provide. I am thankful for the benefits of technologies in the medical field, and for cars that can get me where I need to go much more quickly than past means of transportation.

When I take the time to do something "different", like go for a walk, I realize that things like that shouldn't be "different". They should be the norm. There are things I see and observe and experience in this world that simply make me smile, give me joy, point my heart and mind toward my Creator, and bring a breath of relief into my life.

Breathing fresh mountain air. Sitting and watching a sunrise, sunset, or viewing the stars. Watching antelope out on the plains, or deer in the forest. Sitting by a stream and listening to it's bubbling sound-so refreshing. Sitting and reading a book with relaxing music playing in the background. Finding a new recipe to shop for ingredients and cook for Jason. Marveling at simple (yet extravagant!) wonders such as the fact that I can decide to make my legs move (a particular thought from my walk today that just astounded me :) ). Sitting on a beach, watching the waves. Going whale watching (haven't gone, but really want to!). Watching the patterns of falling snowflakes as I sip hot cocoa while wrapped in a blanket.

These and so much more are things I want to enjoy (or learn to enjoy) now, and teach my family to enjoy later. I want to reduce the importance of technology in my life in healthy ways. I don't want to rely on TV, video games, computers, the internet, or my phone to be entertained. Oftentimes I wish life were simpler again-perhaps this is why I enjoy historical movies. I would not want to lose the benefits technology has provided, but for myself personally, I no longer want to rely on technology in ways that are unnecessary, maybe even harmful to me in the long run--physically, emotionally, spiritually.

This all probably came to mind since I did once of our marriage counseling exercises yesterday-a personal stress evaluator or something like that. I had an outline to fill out of how often I did certain things each week, ranging from work to friends to family to chores to hobbies. It was interesting to estimate how I divide my time and overall I noticed I want to spend less time on technology and more time on other healthier pursuits like cooking at home and exercise and reading.

In the long run, I know I struggle with thinking my life will count for something if I am well-educated, if I treat people a certain way, have a certain personality, live at a certain social standard. But when I really think and remember the life the Lord calls me to live, I know that all these things in the long run won't matter. The biggest reason I want to live a life of wonder is so that I can experience God to the fullest while I am here, and have even more to worship and praise Him for. I want my kids to know the Lord and how awesome He is and see me living in that way. It feels like a big challenge but I think it will be worth the effort.

I think 2 goals I am going to focus on for now are limiting my computer time to no more than 2 cumulative hours per day, and exercising 5 days per week. That's a lot for me right now, as I'm also handling 2 jobs and planning a wedding, but I think it's do-able. Who knows, maybe I'll even find myself more energized for all I have to do, and having more time to do it! :)