With Great Power...

"But you will receive power when the holy spirit comes upon you..."

Acts 1:8

Recently Jason convinced me to watch the Spiderman movies. Much to my initial chagrin, but I enjoyed them despite the rampant cheesy-ness. :) A common theme prevails in the Spiderman story: "With great power comes great responsibility." Peter Parker constantly feels the need to sacrifice his own desires for the needs of people around him, because of the great power that has been bestowed upon him.

Recently I have realized that I, as a Christ follower, have a similar responsibility. If I truly belong to the Lord, then I have his holy spirit living inside of me.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the holy spirit, who is in you, who you have received from God?"

1 Corinthians 6:19

The holy spirit is God living in me. That's POWER. And how do I live my life, with such great power residing in me? Well, I guess the better question is how SHOULD I be living my life with such great power residing in me. :) It hit me this morning how I have a huge responsibility. My every word and action is a testament to He who is in me, He who made me, He who saved me. I have a responsibility to honor Him in my words and actions--and even in my thoughts.

""Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them? Declares the Lord. "Do I not fill heaven and earth?" Declares the Lord."

Jeremiah 23:24

I can see this as a burden, or as a blessing. When I'm in sin, it sure feels like a burden. But then there is forgiveness. God calls us to perfection even though He knows we cannot attain it until He returns to establish His kingdom for eternity. And because of that He let Jesus die and pay the penalty for the times I mess up. Thank God! Because I mess up a lot.

What I've noticed recently though, is that when God is using me (He began using me again when my heart was truly willing), I find joy in being a light for Him. I find joy in being refined even by great fires and becoming a better, stronger, healthier Christ follower as a result. And that bleeds into every aspect of my life. It feels me with joy despite grievous circumstances or difficult trials. God's given me His Word so that I know what's right and wrong in His eyes and He even bailed me out of the punishments of screwing up, before I was even born to make a mistake. ("for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." Romans 3:23) That's love. That's grace.

And THAT is what I need to demonstrate in my life toward others.

"One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Matthew 22:35-39

If I'm following those two commandments, then I'm living my life as God intends and it will glorify Him. These commandments summarize so much of the scriptures and "rules" God wants us to live by (for our own good). With great power comes great responsibility. And with that power living in me I feel up to the challenge.

Consumerism.... and Change

I really want to grow in the Lord and change for the better. I just struggle with feeling down and depressed when there seem to be so many obstacles and difficulties. I'm not naive enough to believe it will just be easy and effortless, although my sinful human nature would like to believe so.

In one moment, I will feel the power of the Spirit working in me to overcome obstacles and a fierce determination. But I think then I start relying on my own power instead of God's.

For instance. Consumerism. I'm not THAT big of a shopper; I do not have a credit card even, I don't just enjoy spending hours shopping. I do, however, sometimes enjoy shopping. There are certain things I really enjoy spending money on, like DVDs, books, and vacations (though the last of those is a rarity). I tend to be impulsive, which God has convicted me a lot on lately. If I want something and have the money in my account, it's tough for me to say no. Although, I think I've improved on that a great deal.
What drives me most insane are moments like this, right now. I'm sitting here, observing all the heaping clutter I possess, wondering how I end up with so much "stuff" that I do not need or use. And yet I find myself going out and buying more?! It drives me nuts.

The underlying conclusion in all that, is that I need to be a better steward of my financial resources. A much better one. I need to choose what I spend money on wisely, so that I can build a better financial foundation for the future (haha good alliteration) and be better prepared to be a responsible wife and mother. Those are awesome thoughts, but so much more difficult to put into practice. I suck at budgeting (especially since I have an inconsistent job), and I suck at taking the time even to plan good meals in advance so I'm not buying fast food when I'm too tired to cook. There's another problem-I need to plan ahead!

In general, I see sooo many things in my life I want to change, and I can't do it without God's help. I still have a lot to learn about seeking Him and leaning on Him to rely on HIS strength and HIS power. I feel helpless in that area right now. If you're reading this, please pray. I want to be a woman after God's own heart, and I feel distant from that goal right now.