Since Curt passed away, I've resisted the urge to sometimes ask God, "Could you please let me talk with Curt somehow? I miss his voice and I want his reassurances. I want to know he is okay and I want to ask him so many questions."
Today something very special happened to me. God answered a prayer that I never prayed. (Further proof that He knows our hearts and minds whether we pray or not.)
I did not hear Curt's voice directly. An apparition did not appear before me and communicate with me. But when Curt and Darla's former youth pastor gave the message today at Curt's graveside service, I knew without a doubt that I was hearing the same basic message that I think Curt would want me to know if he was still around to tell me in person.
The pastor, Rick I believe, recounted about the early days of knowing Curt, when he first came to the youth group at Sunkist Baptist Church in Anaheim, California. He discussed how Curt came to realize he had some weaknesses, and how he was determined to change those weaknesses. He told of how Curt beat those weaknesses as well as learned how to rest in the Lord even more than Rick himself knew how at the time.
Over the past weeks I have learned that Curt and I had quite a bit in common, for not knowing each other well yet. But today I learned that our similarities go much deeper than just sharing pineapple as a favorite fruit. Those same weaknesses that Rick mentioned about Curt describe me to a tee. It sounded like Rick was describing me as he spoke. Struggles with fear, confidence, and being controlled by emotions. That's me. And that is how Curt used to be.
This was significant to me in a couple of ways.
The first is that, for me, it explains why he was so loving, caring and gentle with me. I know he had to have seen my flaws and I expected he might think I wasn't good enough to date his son. But he was the family member I felt closest to the fastest, despite the fact that we didn't talk a lot in person. (We probably did more than I remember, and I hate that those memories are so unclear now that he is gone.) But throughout the time I knew him, I felt a special acceptance and understanding from Curt that I couldn't explain. I knew he cared about me, and he treated me as if I was his own daughter. Now, I believe that those things are still true, but I understand that he probably recognized a lot of himself in me. I think that brought us closer, without me ever realizing why.
The second reason these similarities are significant to me, is that as he probably recognized that I struggled with the same weaknesses he had, he has still taught me how to overcome those weaknesses even though he isn't even hear to tell me with his voice. I can't explain it. Maybe it is just a coincidence. But even if it is, it is a very special coincidence for me. And I believe it will have a significant impact in my life from now on.
I will pray the simple prayer that Curt learned to pray. I will learn the lessons he learned and I hope my life will make an impact, as his did. He continues to have an impact on my life even though he is no longer here to share in it directly. God's hand is at work here.
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Psalm 61:1-2
I love and miss you, Curt. Thank you, Lord, for allowing my father-in-law and kindred spirit to teach me even now.
