Ramblings.

What a day.

What a week.

I could go on with that, but I won't. It'd be supremely annoying.

I've not been so talented at blogging thus far but maybe a renewed commitment to honesty will help. I find the more passionate my heart behind my words, the more authentic they are--and the more interesting to read.

Today has differed from the recent norm, and although this has brought a measure of difficulty it has brought an equal portion of inspiration. Not so much in all of my most recent passions, but in other "stuff". Good "stuff". I think. I hope.

In light of leaving my job at Jimmy John's, I've taken a stand to delve deeper into photography as art. No longer just take-a-thousand-photos-and-hope-one-is-good photography, but COMMITTED photography. PASSIONATE photography. Stepping outside the norm to look for something n

ew and different that sets me on fire.

Ha-ha, some may think, who follow my "daily photo(s)" album on Facebook. "You're sure taken a lot of pictures of YOU!" Why yes, yes I have. Who cares? I can be my own subject. AND it will help me with an

other problem I'm set on overcoming NOW.

Fear.

I have some choice words for fear because it's ruled my life long enough.

It's lead to ruined or damaged relationships. It's lead to poor decisions made. It's lead to missed opportunities. It's lead to the constant breaking of my heart. NO MORE!

Part of the reason I chose to buy a bright orange car after I was rear-ended in March was to build my c

onfidence. Part of the reason I've decided to no longer fear the self-portrait is to build my confidence. See myself as who I really am and who God made me to be and no longer be ashamed. If people don't like who I am, whatever. Their problem. Of course, I'm always striving to be a better person. But some people's opinions just don't change and just don't matter.

These decisions don't solve all the problems I'm facing in my life. Even the ones I'm facing today, right now. But they will probably do me good in the long run. I'm no longer going to live a confined life. I am going to live an adventure-ful life. Camera in tow and whoever wants to join.

With Great Power...

"But you will receive power when the holy spirit comes upon you..."

Acts 1:8

Recently Jason convinced me to watch the Spiderman movies. Much to my initial chagrin, but I enjoyed them despite the rampant cheesy-ness. :) A common theme prevails in the Spiderman story: "With great power comes great responsibility." Peter Parker constantly feels the need to sacrifice his own desires for the needs of people around him, because of the great power that has been bestowed upon him.

Recently I have realized that I, as a Christ follower, have a similar responsibility. If I truly belong to the Lord, then I have his holy spirit living inside of me.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the holy spirit, who is in you, who you have received from God?"

1 Corinthians 6:19

The holy spirit is God living in me. That's POWER. And how do I live my life, with such great power residing in me? Well, I guess the better question is how SHOULD I be living my life with such great power residing in me. :) It hit me this morning how I have a huge responsibility. My every word and action is a testament to He who is in me, He who made me, He who saved me. I have a responsibility to honor Him in my words and actions--and even in my thoughts.

""Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them? Declares the Lord. "Do I not fill heaven and earth?" Declares the Lord."

Jeremiah 23:24

I can see this as a burden, or as a blessing. When I'm in sin, it sure feels like a burden. But then there is forgiveness. God calls us to perfection even though He knows we cannot attain it until He returns to establish His kingdom for eternity. And because of that He let Jesus die and pay the penalty for the times I mess up. Thank God! Because I mess up a lot.

What I've noticed recently though, is that when God is using me (He began using me again when my heart was truly willing), I find joy in being a light for Him. I find joy in being refined even by great fires and becoming a better, stronger, healthier Christ follower as a result. And that bleeds into every aspect of my life. It feels me with joy despite grievous circumstances or difficult trials. God's given me His Word so that I know what's right and wrong in His eyes and He even bailed me out of the punishments of screwing up, before I was even born to make a mistake. ("for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." Romans 3:23) That's love. That's grace.

And THAT is what I need to demonstrate in my life toward others.

"One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Matthew 22:35-39

If I'm following those two commandments, then I'm living my life as God intends and it will glorify Him. These commandments summarize so much of the scriptures and "rules" God wants us to live by (for our own good). With great power comes great responsibility. And with that power living in me I feel up to the challenge.

Moving Backwards

Often times people think of moving backwards as a bad thing. Recently, I've been trying to move "backwards" in positive ways! I want to lessen distractions in my life and "simplify". I think these are the Footsteps that God wants me to follow right now, because ultimately it leads to a better focus on Him.

What are some steps on that journey?

They involve all different aspects of my life: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual.

One thing I have been learning lately is how to cook on my own. I've learned to bake my own bread, make my own cheese sauce (and thus homemade mac n cheese!), and a lot of other cooking that I never thought I could do! Jason and I eat out SO much less, which is so much better for our health! The fact that we are losing weight is quite motivational in the process as well. :) This improves my life:

1. physically, because I am putting better things into my body and also losing weight

2. mentally because there is tremendous reward in enjoying the fruits of my labor!

3. emotionally: I enjoy learning new things and succeeding at them (even if it's not right away!)

4. spiritually: because by providing healthy meals and food for my husband I am obeying God's commands for wives by providing food for my family.

Another thing I have been trying to do is cut back my dependence on technology. I find that in my "idle" moments I'm often tempted to fill my time by browsing on Facebook, surfing the internet for interesting articles (which CAN be a good thing), turn on the TV for a show or a movie... on occasion I'm tempted to do something good like read, but at the same time I look around my small home and notice how easily it gets cluttered. How many things need doing. And sometimes that makes me want to watch a movie MORE, because it is overwhelming. More and more though I remember the Lord's words in Proverbs 31:27, "She watches over the affairs of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Those are convicting words. It's TOUGH, as a wife, to fulfill my duty to my husband and home by keeping it clean and good food on the table AND work 2 jobs. Jason helps where he can but he works much more than I do. And so I need to let myself be stretchable and trust that the Lord will make me sufficient by His grace. And in the end, there are few better things than sitting down to relax with a snack and a good book after a few hours cleaning up the apartment!
This improves my life:

1. physically: I get exercise while I am up and about getting things done! Much more than being a couch potato!

2. mentally: It's stimulating to be up doing things rather than a couch potato. My mind feels more fresh and I don't get as many headaches!

3. emotionally: again being up moving around keeps my mind busy and keeps my mind from wandering to subjects which only bring me down.

4. spiritually: again I'm directly obeying one of God's commands by keeping my home a safehaven for my family!

Future goals for providing for my family, saving money, and leading a happier, healthier, more God-focused lifestyle include:

growing my own garden

keeping a steady monthly budget

getting rid of debts

learning new skills such as changing the oil in a car

Spending more REGULAR time getting to know the Lord.

...and anything else I can think of. :)