Marks of genuine Love

I wonder... can any of us love genuinely and be aware of it? If we feel or think that we are loving genuinely, has pride set in and our love been proved ungenuine as a result? Or is it possible that God can open our eyes to our personal growth without it making us prideful?

I was thinking these thoughts earlier today as I pondered whether I truly, genuinely love people. I think I tend to love people I develop relationships with... much like I have a heart for that which is in my immediate surroundings and have a more difficult time finding genuine compassion, concern, and love for that which is far away in the world. How I pray for a global perspective and heart! But... the same thing with people. My heart feels so full when I ponder my relationships with believers and nonbelievers. But when I meet new people... I get scared. I want to hide inside of myself, afraid for some reason to get to know them. I honestly don't know why.

There are a couple of friends the Lord blessed me with this year that I would never have "chosen" on my own... they are amazing people with beautiful hearts that, for some exterior reason--be it appearance or behavior--would not have been ones I would choose to include in my life. Sad but true. Thankfully the Lord had other plans. He's opening my eyes more and more... helping me love people for who they are even before I know them well, removing my fear of developing new relationships... and he's convicting me when I look at someone and fear getting to know them.

And with those I have known much longer... with all that the Lord has been changing inside of me this year I am becoming acutely aware that any love I may have felt for some dear friends over the years has been anything but genuine. It's been outright selfish. It's difficult to admit and recall and deal with the memories of how I have wasted time.... years even... upset over petty things, ruining relationships by demanding my own way and even being unintentionally manipulative. I'm amazed at those who have stood by me as long as they have, even if those relationships are now strained to a point where I fear they may never truly heal. Yet... I sense God is changing my heart much with this awareness, and that's where I question whether I am being prideful. I thought about a particular friend this afternoon, and realized that it is truly my desire to show said friend that I love them by honoring their wishes, even when those wishes specifically disclude me. While it brought tears to my eyes... suddenly honoring those wishes and that person were more important than my own desires. Which is why I wondered, "am I beginning to understand genuine love? And does it mean I am being prideful in supposedly being able to see it?" It's just been my thought that true humility will go completely unrecognized by the humble person... someone will say something and they will think "...really? I was being humble? hmm." And then let it go without another thought, having never thought about it before.

How I long to love others genuinely, in humility and gentleness...