Consumerism.... and Change

I really want to grow in the Lord and change for the better. I just struggle with feeling down and depressed when there seem to be so many obstacles and difficulties. I'm not naive enough to believe it will just be easy and effortless, although my sinful human nature would like to believe so.

In one moment, I will feel the power of the Spirit working in me to overcome obstacles and a fierce determination. But I think then I start relying on my own power instead of God's.

For instance. Consumerism. I'm not THAT big of a shopper; I do not have a credit card even, I don't just enjoy spending hours shopping. I do, however, sometimes enjoy shopping. There are certain things I really enjoy spending money on, like DVDs, books, and vacations (though the last of those is a rarity). I tend to be impulsive, which God has convicted me a lot on lately. If I want something and have the money in my account, it's tough for me to say no. Although, I think I've improved on that a great deal.
What drives me most insane are moments like this, right now. I'm sitting here, observing all the heaping clutter I possess, wondering how I end up with so much "stuff" that I do not need or use. And yet I find myself going out and buying more?! It drives me nuts.

The underlying conclusion in all that, is that I need to be a better steward of my financial resources. A much better one. I need to choose what I spend money on wisely, so that I can build a better financial foundation for the future (haha good alliteration) and be better prepared to be a responsible wife and mother. Those are awesome thoughts, but so much more difficult to put into practice. I suck at budgeting (especially since I have an inconsistent job), and I suck at taking the time even to plan good meals in advance so I'm not buying fast food when I'm too tired to cook. There's another problem-I need to plan ahead!

In general, I see sooo many things in my life I want to change, and I can't do it without God's help. I still have a lot to learn about seeking Him and leaning on Him to rely on HIS strength and HIS power. I feel helpless in that area right now. If you're reading this, please pray. I want to be a woman after God's own heart, and I feel distant from that goal right now.