Are You Ready for This?

...because I wasn't. Life has changed dramatically since returning to the US... and that was nearly two months ago! I have posted a couple of blog updates since then and I apologize for not emailing about them. I am still surprised at how busy and chaotic everything has been since I got back.

There is much to tell in this entry so please bear with me. God has revealed much to me recently about my past... about the past two to two and a half years. And this could have a dramatic impact on what happens to me in the future.

Starting about three months ago, God began using certain circumstances to show me, gradually, that a lot of things I have believed are really lies. Very sad. They have been very cleverly disguised lies. I will start at what I think is the beginning, in June 2006.

It was June 2006 that found me on my second missions trip to Tijuana, Mexico with Caravan Ministries, through Black Forest Chapel. It was an amazing trip and I am blessed to have been a part of it. We heard some really strong missionary messages on that trip. Up until this time, I had been pretty strongly convinced that my place was in the United States... I knew then and know now that people here need saving just as much as people anywhere. He can't send us ALL to foreign nations, or there will be no one left to serve here! But... those missionary messages went into my head as saying "if you really want to honor God, this is what you should do." I have to say that someone told me that their dad, who was on the mission trip, heard this message as well, even though I doubt the speakers intended it. But I believed it. I heard this message, and I come from a very missions-focused church, which is awesome, and have many friends who are passionate for different nations... also incredible. But I think a mistake many churches make is to elevate overseas missionaries, show them as people who are TRULY giving something up and making a sacrifice and being passionate and holy. So, I saw that life, and I wanted it. But, I think I wanted it because I wanted people to think I was more holy and I wanted God to think better of me. Of course, pursuing a holier life is no evil thing but there is nothing Biblical which elevates overseas missions above missions at home.

There is a second part to this lie, and it ties directly to this. Partly due to experiences from my past, I had in my head that God doesn't want me to be comfortable in this world. He wants to put me in a place where life will be difficult and I will only take joy directly from HIM. I know now that this is absurd, that God made the world so that we can enjoy it... He won't send me somewhere teeming with bugs to make me miserable... not that He will just let me have a completely comfortable life but He wants me to be happy on the earth as well. This glorifies Him! But at the time, I didn't believe this. I thought He was going to send me into missions to make me uncomfortable, because being a missionary overseas felt uncomfortable and scary, and make me just depend on Him and be happy with Him. I began to believe that the dreams that had been building in my head and heart for my life in the US were selfish, sinful... my dream house with its little library (because I love to sit and read) was sinful. Even though my desire was to have an open home to people, and make that purposeful, and reach out in all areas, I decided my dream was too selfish. I had to give up more. So these things sank deeper and deeper into my head in the following months.

I was in a strong, steady and long-term relationship at the time, and I began to think that perhaps that relationship wasn't going to last because he didn't feel called to overseas missions, and I supposedly did. We had our dreams of ministry and outreach here in the US, and like I said, I began to think those were bad. not good enough. That I needed to be with someone who was going to give up the "easy American life" and go overseas. It certainly wasn't about this person. Despite my many failures and hurts he was incredibly good and gentle to me, and it is ironic that in the past 5 or 6 months of our relationship I realized that more than ever, and cared for him more deeply than ever before. But the lies were stronger... I wasn't really seeking God in this at all. I just decided that we should take a break because I wanted to find someone who was going overseas. I didn't really pray about it... I just made the decision because I was scared about the future. I think there are deeper aspects to this as well that I won't discuss on this blog but ... this relationship didn't end because it wasn't growing and we didn't care for each other. But I was selfish and even though in the back of my head things didn't feel right, I pushed that feeling away and kept pursuing this path.

For a while I thought I was going deeper with God, that I had done the right things. I was going to a weekly missions meeting and morning prayer before classes almost every day. Looking back though, I see that especially with missions my heart was not in the right place. I was mostly looking to fit in with the missions crowd and be more holy. It never occurred to me that I could be passionate about my own country and still fit in with these people... they are wonderful people and would have been supportive of that. I found myself often distracted at prayer, and worrying what people might think if I didn't pray aloud for something that wasn't about me, and I prayed a lot of selfish prayers as well. I was trying to learn to be outward focused and I succeeded somewhat but it wasn't a lasting success, it wasn't a heart-lesson. All this time things were happening that now, looking back, I think were God trying to pull me back and wake me up, but I didn't see.

Slowly but surely my relationship with God was weakening and i was losing my desire for prayer, for reading His word, for truly trusting in Him. When I should have been growing, I was dying.

Then I signed up for the July and August 2007 missions trip to the Czech Republic. I do not deny that this was an amazing experience for me, and a growing one. I learned a lot over there and the people I met and who have become my friends will always be dear and close to my heart. I was sure that I should come back during the first week of camp, and I don't doubt that that is true... however, I now doubt the nature of my return. As everyone knows probably, I met a wonderful young man over there and we began a relationship. I do not doubt now that waiting to pursue that relationship would have been wise... had I known more about some of the differences in our circumstances I would have waited. But I was so sure that I had found my direction in life that I didn't really care. This HAD to be it, it just "made sense". Looking back, I am not so sure it did... I don't regret having the relationship in most aspects. The first half a year after the mission trip I was seeking God pretty strongly and things seemed to be going a bit better. What i didn't see was I was falling into some old weaknesses, cutting myself off from friends and fellowship and focusing too much on the relationship and on a country that was 5000 miles away, rather than focusing on where God had me right then. He was again using situations and people to try and change that but I wasn't paying much attention because I was so sure I was right.

I returned to Czech in winter 2007/2008 and had a great time for the most part visiting friends and boyfriend. But things began to turn worse, and got increasingly worse after I left and in the year following. His parents adamantly tried to break us up throughout 2008 and have even kept him from ministry because he visited me here this winter 2008/2009. I do not for one second believe that the actions his parents have taken are right and Godly, but I do begin to wonder--is God really trying to use this to show us something, or is it just the devil trying to put up a block to God's work? It's really difficult to tell right now. I am in the process of praying and digging to find answers. It's hard to admit now that this path I was pursuing might be wrong. I have applied for a work permit in Czech next year, but I haven't heard anything about it except that the laws changed in January, after I applied, and it is "supposedly" easier but... if that work permit doesn't come, I think it will be a pretty solid sign.

Meanwhile, I have been enjoying much of my time living at home in Black Forest. I am going to my home church again, which is growing me SO much more than I have in 4 1/2 years. I am involved with the high school youth group and LOVING it... I am enjoying getting to know new people and some people I have seen grow up. :) I love going to the retreats with them, and I love going to Sunday School and the church service. I am meeting once weekly with a close Christian friend for fellowship and discipleship and encouragement and for the most part that has gone well (but needs a little more focus from my end. :) ). I am participating in the "Shelley Challenge" of reading through the New Testament by the end of May, which also needs some work, but is definitely growing me. I am student teaching currently at an elementary school (move to a middle school in 3 weeks) and I am learning a lot there and honestly, except for being so tired I immensely enjoy playing music games with these kids. Ever since the first weekend of being back in Black Forest, my heart has been lighter and things have been good.

There have been some very difficult things that I won't go into detail about here, but some of my past mistakes have come back to haunt me in a way I never thought they could, and in a way I think they still never should have. In the midst of this I am doing my best to remember who I am in Christ the King despite what others may say or think about me.... to remember that He has grown me and changed me over the past couple of years despite my weakened relationship with Him and He is pulling my heart closer to His than ever right now... Sometimes I am shocked at the hurts people in the body of Christ can inflict on one another. I do not claim to be innocent of hurting fellow believers deeply... and I feel more remorse for that than I am sure many know. The wounds of regret can go so deep... and even when the healing is done there will be scars. God heals greatly, but the memories still cause old pains. And right now I am not very close to full healing. But it is amazing as well to see how He has transformed my heart... I do not get as angry as I once did, I have more self control and more love... but still, I find myself fighting to not make the same mistakes. But this time He is nearer because I am not believing lies, and in Him I am stronger.

So right now my life is a chaotic mess, of not really knowing what will happen after I graduate May 16. There are reconciliations to be made and growth to experience and God to know. I am experiencing all at once great joy and great sorrow. Some days are incredibly hard to get through and some fill me with joy. The biggest difference is Jesus. He is becoming more real, more present than ever... and I do not know what He is using this time to prepare me for but whether it is here in Colorado, somewhere else in the US, or in another country (even Czech) I know it will be incredible. He is an awesome God and even when I do not know His plans and timing I know He can be trusted.

To those who have been hurt... I ask your forgiveness and love.
To those who have been patient... I thank you and ask for it to continue. :)
To those who have loved... I can never be more thankful and I love you back.
To those who have prayed... you have done the best thing there is to do.
To all who have gracefully read this and still care... you mean the world to me, and I couldn't keep going without you.

Christmas adventures!

Čau peeps!

Merry Christmas--Vesele Vánoce! I hope that it is blessed for everyone. :-) And some nice gifts too. ;-) I am enjoying the Colorado Christmas with friends and family... ever since getting back most of what me and Kosťa are doing is visiting friends and hanging out with my parents! It's great:-) Its interesting now to think of the differences between Christmas in the US as opposed to the Czech Republic. Perhaps I will post those differences later, if people are interested in the comparison.

So, I have to tell the crazy story of our journey back to the US... I have never experienced travel problems with flying before and I hoped I never would! But we got our fair share (or more) this time, even though it turned out fine. :-) So here goes...

We got up nice and early to leave for the airport and it was nice and clear, I could see stars outside and even though the bags were heavy the travel was fine. Well, we missed the first bus from the metro to the airport but it wasnt a big deal as we had plenty of time, it was just cold but it started a nice trend of "late" for the journey...

By the time we got to our gate at the airport, the sky was cloudy and it was snowing lightly! Which turned to rain more and more as the announcement came that our plane from Frankfurt was arriving late... so we left Prague about 20-30 minutes late. Fortunately, (sort of), many other flights in Frankfurt were delayed due to rainy weather even though it was mostly clear when we arrived... so we had an easy time transferring to that flight, which was boarding when we arrived to the gate. We didnt have to deal with security since we had arrived from a Schengen Zone country, which was fortunate. Also fortunate, was that we had separate seats on the airplane--but if anyone was supposed to sit by me, they never showed up so Kosťa was able to sit by me. :-) And it was nice because our 2 seats were by themselves, by the window. :-) So OH MAN we had great views of Iceland and Greenland going home... see the picture. :-) But our plane was, of course, 20 minutes late leaving, and I saw one of my bags was the VERY LAST to get on the plane before we left the gate! And we arrived 30 minutes late to Chicago, leaving us only enough time to make our next flight if everything went REALLY smoothly.

Which it didnt.

I got through customs just fine, being a US citizen, but Kosťa took twice as long to get through even though the line was no longer, and possibly shorter, than ours. I was meanwhile waiting at baggage claim, and even though many, many bags arrived while I waited, none of our bags arrived until Kosťa met me at the baggage claim carousel. Then 3 of them arrived very quickly... and we waited... and waited... for the fourth. It never came! Grrrr... the man called that he had pulled off the last bags from our flight; I had him scan the bar code thingy I had and he said the bag probably never left Frankfurt... so our plane had already begun boarding all the way across the airport while we were waiting for this bag. So we busted our butts to get through the second part of customs, and re-check our bags which didnt take long, then we got a bit turned around finding the airport train to take us to the right terminal, and when we arrived there we ran to security, had a lot of nice people let us cut and we skipped 95% of the waiting for security and then ran as fast as we could a LONG way to the gate... only to find out that our flight had left the gate about 3 minutes earlier... still on the ground but not at the gate. :-(

So we waited in the customer service line, praying we could get on a flight. The man who helped us said all flights were on standby because the bad, snowy icy weather had caused so many delays and flight cancellations. He sat there typing for quite a long while... we were trying to be patient despite being nervous and knowing that the next flight was boarding really soon. At one point he asked us if we were members of the United Mileage Plus program... politely we said no and inside I was shouting, "WHY does that matter right now?! We have a flight to catch, stop advertising!" And after some more typing and getting us a couple brochures for the seemingly ridiculous mileage program, he told us the gate number for the next flight and that it was boarding and ran again there.

When we arrived to the gate, the flight was in the last 5 minutes of boarding. We got in a line, not sure who to talk to or how to get from "standby" status to being on the airplane. Both of us figured we weren't making this flight and possibly staying overnight in the airport. We saw the standby list on the screen and saw that, although there seemed to be many names on the list, we were in the top 5.... then we read the criteria which were listed as giving you greater priority on the list--and one of them was being a mileage plus member! So the nice man at customer service has signed us up for the program to get us home sooner! This still warms my heart and I pray that this man had a blessed holiday despite having to deal with so many delayed airline customers.... And the story continues. We finally got in the right line, and the man had our names and said he had been calling them for about 5 minutes! And we had basically just arrived so we REALLY were up there on the list... we received the LAST TWO tickets onto that flight to Denver! And it gets crazier. We were getting our seats, and somehow THREE people (including me) had a ticket for seat 34A!!!! I still am not sure how it all worked out, but the second person got a seat... I felt a bit bad inside because the man behind me, an older gentleman, had to get off the plane. :-( He was one of the 34A people. I was also praying he made the next flight...

God blessed us SO much that we got home that night, safe and still on Friday! Especially considering that the weather in Chicago has worsened considerably since we arrived. We were praying a lot through the day and everything turned out good....

OH I completely forgot about my bag! :-D That was an adventure... we made the report with United in Denver so they put it in the computer and thus began the search. :-) I checked online multiple times a day... on Sunday the message said that they had probably located the bag and were confirming the match so I was excited! but on Monday and into Tuesday morning I was pretty down, because it said instead that they were sending the information to the main headquarters and I should fill out this (long) claims form and mail it ASAP, in which I had to list the contents of my bag (my memory is pretty good... I cant believe how much I remembered!) and details of the flight and my bag, etc. So I filled out that form which took forever, and spent the time making a thing on the computer which had a picture of the bag and some other information. I went Tues afternoon to mail it... and realized I forgot the envelope! so this meant standing in a ridiculously long, not moving line at the post office... and then I noticed a message on my cell phone. I listened to it and it was a guy saying he was delivering a luggage for me and should arrive in a few hours...! I couldnt believe my ears because nothing indicated that my bag should be arriving! I almost stole the envelopes I was holding to purchase, because I was so excited that I ran out the door. Thankfully Kosta noticed that I was holding them and we took them back inside... :-P :-) I did a lil dance outside the post office... haha, I was SO happy. Especially since 90% of my clothes and a few Christmas gifts were in that bag. That was a great day. :-)

So that is the crazy story... I will update more on being bac in the US etc later but for now I want to end this thing and enjoy my Christmas away from the computer. :-) tak ČAU. :-p :-)

(visiting Fort Collins Dec 20, the day after we arrived. :-) )

Jedu v patek do Ameriky...

...that's what I have to keep telling people here. And its weird.

Today I went to Albert to buy some groceries for the last time (unless I must buy some more Kofola thursday :-) ). The last rohliky. The last salami and cheese. Well, thats pretty much my diet this week for lunch. :-) Since all my dishes are stored in Brno, I have no way of cooking so I am being creative. I am currently heating some leftovers, wrapped in tinfoil, on my radiator! Just had a sausage so that's actually working pretty well...

Its just strange how "fast" the semester is ending. On the one hand I feel like I have been here a very long time and I am used to my routines and way of life here. On the other hand, I know that a LOT of things have changed back home... some for better some for worse, and getting used to those changes won't be easy, in addition to settling back into "the American way of life". Heck, I haven't driven a car since September 8th! Not only that but from what I hear its really cold and icy back home and I have to drive this Saturday. woohoo! haha, please pray for me. :-)

So I am now spending my evenings packing, reading, watching TV online, trying to enjoy some last times with people here... keep some connections for the future hopefully. Last night was the CESP farewell dinner and that was a great chance to just hang out with people and talk without having to drink a ton of alcohol myself. :-) I DID have a glass of champaigne so never say i didnt. ;-) But I did manage to trade my vouchers for beer and wine, for ones for soda. :-) We each got one voucher for each of those 3 drinks. So I had Kofola. :-) Nectar of Moravia... :-P

Anyway... its also strange to know that while I am going to have to re-adjust to the US, two things are different this time. 1. I am bringing someone special with me for a couple of weeks, so the Czech Republic won't be completely gone from my life in a way, nor will he... and 2. I am returning by summer sometime, so its really only temporary. That makes me both happy and sad... happy to return to friends and a place that feels home here, and sad to leave friends and a place that feels home in Colorado. It's so strange.

Well, life is kind of strange.

But its also blessed... My dear friend Iva likes to remind me that I am coming home to Vsetín next year, so having friends like that here just makes me smile. :-) And I have dear friends and family in Colorado that I cannot wait to see again. Life feels like a paradox right now, and it kind of is... I am kind of caught between two worlds, and while the balance will tip back and forth sometimes, it will probably be tipping that way for the rest of my life.

So this has been a good and challenging semester... God has challenged me in a lot of areas I need to grow in, and even shown me some positive things I didn't reailze were that strong. I would say more of the needing to grow but hey... :-) That's life anyway. But He is good and that's what He has been reinforcing in me all this time even when things have seemed really difficult. Even though I will miss Czech and Czech friends, I am excited for the ways He will grow me and show me Himself this semester--even in the area of student teaching!

Oh and I turned in all the required stuff for my work permit this week, so its a MAJOR blessing that my boss is able to get that going now! It increases the chance that I can come here when I want to and not be delayed 5 months, like the last person he hired! Hallelujah. :-)¨

So, here's to seeing you soon... and, Veselé Vánoce, a veselý nový rok. :-) Merry Christmas and happy new year. In case I don't write again before then. But this is me, signing off from the Czech Republic. I fly out Friday at 9:55 AM. :-) Ahojky!

je tady zima. :-)

Ahoj,

Well, winter has now arrived to the Czech Republic. :-) It snowed in Moravia during last week and I was there this weekend and got to experience it for myself! And it also snowed a little in Prague and its quite cold here.

Hmm so what's been going on the past couple of weeks? A LOT of school! Not so fun... a lot of essay writing, reading, and studying for my biggest (well only real) test coming up a week from Wednesday. Please pray for me for this test and the essay that is also for this class, it is a difficult class and I need to pass! :-/

Last week i went to Zoo Praha so that was fun. :-) We didnt even get to see all of it because it is SO big! And it was cold and it closes earlier in the winter since its now getting dark before 5 PM (we are a bit farther north so its darker even earlier than in CO!). Anyway it was really interesting, a bit different than in the US. You are closer to the animals here in some cases. There are some giant cages you enter and basically you are surrounded by birds, for instance. Not the small ones like in the US where its warm and indoor and like a jungle, but there is one where its outside and the birds are large African birds and we watched two of them chew up and swallow some mice only a few meters away! it was so cool. :-)

Last Monday was also "17 November"... I call this "Revolution Day" because it was November 17th, 1989 that the Velvet Revolution began in Prague which liberated this nation from communism, separated Czech and Slovakia and madeit what we know today. :-) You should research this day in Czech history... it is one of the most exciting moments in my opinion plus its kind of like a more-peaceful version of the end of "Return of the Jedi". :-D I know, silly, but thats the kind of spirit I feel when I read the stories, listen to my Czech friends talk about their parents' (or their own) experience, and see the pictures and videos.

Everywhere are Christmas decorations now so its easy to "get in the spirit", though I know that for most people here Christmas isnt about Christ and that makes me sad despite the lovely twinkling decorations in the malls and businesses. I pray that the Savior for whom this holiday is supposed to be celebrated will save this small but awesome country and that a revolution will sweep in and people will know the truth and the truth will set them free. :-)

This past weekend I had the blessing of participating in the Maják (Lighthouse) Church English weekend in Malenovice, a small town in Eastern Moravia. The best part was that it snowed like crazy. :-) There was probably 4-6 inches up where the KAM (Christian Youth Academy) hotel is. It was so beautiful, and quite fitting since the weekend theme was "A Trip to Canada". :-) There were probably 45 people, including the few non-Czechs. I was one of 4 Americans here--the other 3 are all married to Czech men and women and are of various ages. These were wonderful couples to meet and they were such a blessing this weekend. :-) Those of you at MVC may know about Brad and Lucie Kaspar, and I finally had the chance to meet them. I am glad they live in Vsetín now so I will see them more often, they are just great. I dont know Maják very well so I am unsure who of the guests were members and who were invited friends and family. But the people were great, and of all ages. It is SO awesome how so many middle-aged Czechs are taking the time to learn a new language! The oldest person there is almost 60. :-) I spent most of my time with 2 teenage girls, Eva (Eh-va not like Iva :-) ), who I saw baptized in September (so cool to see her growing in Jesus :-) ) and a girl named Klára who is from a small village west of Vsetín. I think this girl wasnt a Christian. But I enjoyed practicing English with them and hopefully being a light. i have their emails so keeping in touch will be easy I hope. It solidified my feeling that I am at this time best equipped to work with teenagers and young adults. Anyway, we all had a great time practicing English (I was helping to lead a conversation group--there were 5 rotating groups), learning about Canada, and just hanging out together enjoying the lovely winter weather. We even had homemade bagels, which Lenka (Marta's sister for those who know her, and a member of Lighthouse) made Friday night. :-) On Saturday night Brad Kaspar shared the Gospel, using marriage as a sort of synonym and a means of driving the topic toward that which matters most. He wasnt pushy at all, which is necessary with Czech people most of the time, and no one left the room or acted angry. Hopefully everyone enjoyed the weekend, they seemed to! Please pray that any seeds that may have been planted through sharing the Gospel will be watered through relationships built on the weekend and outside of it. I certainly will be doing my part to the best of my ability...

My favorite thing, is that there was a lady at the weekend who I recognized only when she stated her profession... she sells the train tickets at the Vsetín train station. :-) I remember she was there once when we bought our tickets, so now when I see her I can say hello and use her name. :-) Really happy about that.

Also, today I accepted the job offer to work at EdCentre in Vsetín. :-) http://www.edcentre.cz/ So now I need some prayer because, for the sake of arriving to CZ on time next year (due to a difficult visa process) I need to do some things in the next 3 weeks ASAP so that EdCentre can apply for my work permit, and then I can apply for the visa 60-90 days after that. But I am so blessed to have a job! I am really excited for the opportunities this will bring in so many ways. :-)

Also, i could use prayer for my student teaching... I start in 6 weeks and I STILL have not received official confirmation of it! I will be sending some emails this week but please pray...

God is so good and is challenging me and teaching me many things right now...please pray that as He breaks me and my sin and pride that I will grow in Him and be a woman after His own heart. It is so hard sometimes in the midst of very difficult circumstances. I am thankful that I am never alone since He is with me and I have prayer support around the world. :-)

See you all in about 3.5 weeks... crazy.

PS: Sorry I have failed at putting up pictures, I really promise to do it tonight!!! please go see them! the link is in the email I sent.

měla jsem zaneprazdněná...

Ahoj,

Well I have been very busy the past 3 weeks to say the least. So I apologize for not updating much lately! I will post new photos on my photobucket album (Praha Fall 08) hopefully this evening before bed, if not surely tomorrow morning (while most of you sleep :-) ). I won't attempt to write everything that has happened in 3 weeks here but will tell you some highlights. :-)

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go with my buddy, Lucie, to her hometown of České Budějovice (Chesk-eh Bud-yeh-yo-veet-seh). this is about a 2 hour bus ride south of Prague. Lucie and her boyfriend, Zdeněk, took me the afternoon of our arrival to Český Krumlov, a small but very unique and historic town about 30 minutes away from České Budějovice. This town is a UNESCO site, which says a lot, and it is incredibly beautiful with a lot of interesting history and great preservation. It reminds me somewhat of Prague in its architecture, because you can see many different periods represented in just the castle itself. Enjoy the photos on photobucket. :-) Lucie also showed me parts of České Budějovice like the city centre and its 13th century "black tower" and the Vltava river (this river goes also through Český Krumlov and Praha!) and a beautiful castle in a nearby village called Hluboká (nad Vltavou, or above the Vltava River). This castle seriously looks like something out of a fairy tale and I love it. :-) Many Czech celebrities have their weddings there. It was particularly nice in the fall colors everywhere. I enjoyed hanging out with Lucie, Zdeněk, Lucie's mom, and their cocker spaniel Kím. :-) We watched a lot of Czech TV (man that helps you learn to listen...) and even played Czech scrabble which was REALLY hard! But I want to try it again anyway. :-)

School has picked up a lot lately too, and all of a sudden I find I actually have work to do! The professors were sketchy about our papers for a few weeks since it was early in the semester but now I have become incredibly busy because I have 3 papers due within the next 5 weeks! The first in only 2 weeks from today! Ahhh! So I will be working a lot in my evenings now. :-) It is good for me. But if I have a difficult updating much for the remainder of the semester please forgive me. I will post when I can and add additional things upon my return to Colorado.

For those of you interested in what happens to me next, I have a semester of student teaching in Colorado Springs before me. Scary but I am getting a little excited about it because I think I will learn a lot and it will be a great and fun experience. Then... :-) I hope to take a TEFL course in Colorado and enjoy the first part of summer with family and friends. In July I hope to come back to Czech... indefinitely. :-) I interviewed a few weeks ago for a job teaching English in Vsetín, a small city in South Moravia with surroundings that remind me of Colorado in their beauty (sans the snow-capped mountains. :-( gotta go south or west for those...). I have been officially offered that job and its highly probable that I will accept it. I interviewed for another position in Brno this week so I am praying about these options before making a final decision. Please join me in praying, and especially about the visa! Visas for Americans to come and work here are very tedious, so for this school (http://www.edcentre.cz/) to hire me says they are willing to take a time-and financial-risk. I hope to have this decision made by the beginning of December. I am soo excited though either way! The Lord is truly providing some doors that I did not expect at all. :-) This open door to return helps motivate me to truly get involved more here now that I can say I am returning almost for sure.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention about the trip to Karlštejn. :-) Thats a really cool castle as well, its worth the 40 minute train ride from Praha Main train station. I was a bit disappointed in some ways though. In my history class we learned a lot about this castle and the way it is designed and special places inside. The only guided tour, which we went on, does not go to the very best places. :-( I am sure this is more for security, but buying a postcard of the coolest room that you didnt even get to see is a bit disappointing. But i met some really nice people on this trip and had a good time with my North American friends Judy and Sarah. It was a pretty chilly day and when we arrived the castle was enshrouded in mist, which revealed it periodically. :-) That was awesome. This is the kind of experience which makes history interesting for me, when its alive, all around you, and right under your feet. :-)

No other real news right now... please pray for my return this December, not only is it going to be a bit difficult to say goodbye to CZ again (even knowing I will return soon more than likely...) there are also some details about my return that are somewhat problematic right now. I will not elaborate but please just pray that God would take care of these things in the way He sees best. That I will trust in Him to take care of me and whats best for me and His will despite how circumstances may appear. I have learned that circumstances can be quite different than they seem.

Pray for this beautiful country and its people... such a tumultuous past in regards to the presence of Christianity (i intentionally say Christianity rather than Christ)... people in need of a Savior just as anywhere else in the world but with a past more complicated in this regard than many places worldwide.

Thanks so much for your prayers and emails, they mean the world to me. Looking forward to seeing you all again for the holidays!

Ahoj. :-P

Time for another update... well, past time, but sometimes life gets busy (and I confess sometimes I also am just lazy). I have not been out of Praha since my last update but I think I still have some interesting things to talk about. I have definitely done a lot of historical "sight seeing" around Praha lately and those things are worth mentioning. :-)

The past 2 weekends I have done a lot of Praha-venturing, and some additional during the week. For you nerdy and music people... I went to the National Museum a couple of weeks ago, which was really interesting. Its been 40 years since 1968 when the Russians came blasting in to Czechoslovakia (which no longer exists yo. :-P) to silence the new surge of "Communism with a human face"... a violent time in this area, people being gunned down by tanks right in Wenceslas Square. So there was a lot of information on that on display at the museum, and videos playing, and it was fascinating and horrifying and heart-wrenching. Kosťa was with me and he related a story of his grandfather shouting at the passing tanks in the countryside, at the very risk to his own life... apparently a Russian gestured back to him from the tank, moving his hand across his neck meaning "silence or you die". Also there was a display about Jan Palach, a student who burned himself to death in protest of the communism in 1968. He is memorialized on the square and some see him as a hero... but here is a "thinking" question... what did his self-destruction cause for the greater good? Yes, he sent a powerful message... but perhaps his life could have benefited the cause more than his gruesome death?

The museum also had many displays of rocks and minerals (found one from El Paso County, CO!), of animals of all species (I enjoyed this...) and of the more "ancient" and prehistoric peoples who lived in Czech Republic and Slovakia. All of that was incredibly fascinating to see. If you are in Praha, GO to this museum. SO worth the effort, and the building itself is gorgeous--it was built only by donations of people and businesses in the Czechoslovakian times of ČR.

This one is for the music people. I visited the Bedrich Smetana Museum, which is located right near Charles Bridge on the Vltava river. It was a great little museum, and included original scores (including from Má Vlast [My Country]), notes he wrote to people, programs from his concerts, even a piano he once played. Very cool. Pics on photobucket. I also had the pleasure, the previous weekend, of attending a concert at the Church of St. Nicholas in Malá Strana (VERY beautiful church...) of a performance of Dvořák's Requiem (Opus 68 I think? I dont have a program since they werent free :-( ). The performance in the vast (although chilly...) cathedral was amazing, about 100 solid minutes of orchestra and voice combining to commemorate the many-centuries anniversary of the murderous death of St. Wenceslas (Václav). You will have heard his name in a popular Christmas carol. :-)

Speaking of St. Václav, I had the opportunity of finding a unique painting of him on Old Town Square, which you will see to the right. It depicts Václav riding his horse gallantly, and above him, the hand of God reaches down as if blessing the famous Czech ruler and saint.

This weekend I also got to see the beautiful autumn colors of Petřín Hill, one of my new favorite places here. It is near to the castle, and at the top is a tower which somewhat mimics the Eiffel Tower in Paris. We climbed up this hill, which was a bit exhausting (considering how much walking we did that day...) and enjoyed autumn leaves crackling in the wind and falling around us. We observed the "Hungry" or "Bread" wall, constructed during the reign of Charles IV (I think), by peasants in dire need of bread... so rather than give free handouts, the king gave them a job to do. This wall is pretty magnificent and interesting. Once you pass through it there are lovely parks and gardens. You also can go in the direction of the castle and visit Stráhov monastary, which I would like to do sometime.

Also I saw again the Cathedral of St. Vitus. Very beautiful in my opinion, though the fun is taken away somewhat due to the heavy amount of tourists. Also, to my great disappointment, the Cathedral tower was closed for maintenance reasons. :-( I was pretty disappointed, because I had been looking forward to seeing Prague Autumn from the top. Shoot. But I got to see (however uncomfortably due to the thick crowd) the lavishly decorated chapel of St. Wenceslas, and beautiful stained glass windows, and my favorite, the lovely light glimmering on the walls from said windows--the little things are most beautiful. :-)

Other than that... most of my time here has been school, honestly. I have gone to a few Nation2Nation parties but never for long... the thick crowds of drinking, smoking people in a club do not suit me. The last party I went to I observed a drinking game hosted by the Russians (their turn to host that night) which made me ill, and involved people drinking WAY too many shots of vodka. I could not stay the entire game because it made me queasy. I just pray that the people I am here with realize that getting drunk usually has consequences which are not so desireable.

I have gotten to spend a little more time with people in the program here, which has been a benefit of sticking around Praha more. I got to go shopping with a girl from Canada the other day. She is nice, however a bit pessimistic which was frustrating. I need to get better at relating to people who are very different from me... it doesnt mean we cant get along, this I am learning, but I am not often sure of the best way to communicate. The people I know express very strong opinions about things that are quite opposite of what I think and I am often too scared to say anything against them for fear of being ridiculed. Usually this relates to politics, in which many of my fellow students are better educated than I am (some even poli-sci majors) and I get intimidated. I have not gotten to spend any more real time with my buddy or my friend Kuba, which has been disappointing. I hope Kuba may go on the trip this weekend to Karlštejn Castle, and some others (including my Canadian friend) are going. In a couple of weeks I will spend the weekend in České Budějovice, my buddy's hometown. It will be challenging but hopefully a good opportunity to get to know her better (finally!)¨

So I guess this update doesn't have much in the way of "wow look what God is doing!" news, but I hope it has been interesting. I know He is still moving here but I confess it is easy to be repressed by spiritual darkness here that I can feel really strongly some days. Especially since NO ONE in my program are Christians. Most of my exposure to Him comes on Sundays at church. Please pray that I have the discipline and desire to fervently seek Him all week long in an environment which is devoid of His praise and worship. He is why I am here, He is what matters, He is why I want to come back... please please pray I remember this day in and day out and wake up with praises on my tongue...

Oh and PS: I have one set interview for an English teaching job in vsetín on the 25th of October, and I just got an email today from a school in Brno that I have been in touch with, and I will soon be meeting the director of that school as well to discuss employment opportunities for next year. :-) So that's a bit exciting for me.

Finally. :-) Sorry for delay!

Well, I have a lot to update on because it has been nearly 2 weeks! I apologize. :-)

I suppose the best place to begin is sport weekend. This was 26-28 September at a cottage very near to Vsetín. You might remember that I had a cold going into this weekend, and it was definitely at its worst when I arrived to the weekend. It was nice to see everyone again... and great to finally participate in some CB activities... but this weekend also posed a LOT of challenges and few encouragements. Right away it was clear I would need a ridiculous amount of translation. (this sure has motivated me to get my butt going on learning Czech...) Thankfully, throughout most of the weekend I could participate in 95% of activities but it certainly is an experience to be "handicapped" in a way. From an educator's standpoint, it is like standing in the shoes of an ESL learner in a US classroom--no idea whats going on unless someone has the ability to tell you or communicate it somehow! This frustrated me a lot, mostly because it meant I was a kind of tag-along on some of the activities--there but not really contributing anything and I didnt like that. Also, I wasnt able to talk to some of the people I consider friends. I have some Czech friends who do not speak much English. I learned that while i can read and write Czech fairly well, enough to communicate through email and ICQ (instant messaging), actually understanding what people say is nearly impossible. I can pick up words but often not enough to understand context. So that was frustrating. That on top of being pretty sick made it a tough weekend. Athletes in Action put together some tough activities that would have been a lot more fun in good health--PLUS it was cold and raining all weekend! Lots of mud and slipping. Needless to say I left in probably worse health. On the positive side, there were a few non-believers there, most of them pretty young guys from Maják (Lighthouse) church's organization Atletico. One of them, Boris, randomly came up and talked to me the first evening, though I must not have been doing great at my Czech, or he didnt expect me to speak Czech, because he seemed to not understand me much. Please pray for this young guy, he's had what seems like a crazy life for only being 14. He smokes and drinks and his arms have NUMEROUS scars of self-mutilation. :-( But Athletes in Action put God in the forefront and these guys got to hear about Jesus so thats great. :-)

Then came the first week of school! This meant a lot of classes for me because we "test" classes for 2 weeks before finalizing our decisions--unique to our program. Another temporary discouragement for me was Intermediate Czech. Mostly due to my inability to understand much spoken Czech yet, I left the first class halfway through--no way I would have been able to be successful in there. I was really depressed that afternoon but also resolute. I bought a popular czech children's book and I intend on learning to read it this semester, plus I memorized about 30 words that evening. :-P In elementary Czech i am way ahead of the others who haven't been exposed to Czech before, but I am still learning new things and also able to apply more advanced concepts to what I am learning so it will still be a good class for me. I looked through our book and there is still a lot I havent learned so I am happy. :-) I really enjoy this class. I am going to purchase some more books this weekend that I saw in a local large bookstore for foreigners to learn Czech. :-) This is the most useful topic for me right now.
After attending many classes I have settled on the following for this semester:
Elementary Czech
Cultural History of the Czech lands (learning awesome things about CZ history and places to go!)
European Integration (great professor, good, challenging class for me... poli sci)
The Medieval City (taught by a CSU professor and also quite interesting and new to me)
I wanted to take the Comparitive Governments class but it is at a time which I just cant handle weekly, 4:15-7:30 Thursday nights. Meaning, if I was taking that class, I would be there right now rather than sitting on my bed typing thsi update and eating a yummy dinner. :-) BUT I will probably go to that class and just sit in sometimes to listen because it looked like an amazing class.

This past weekend I went on a Buddy System trip to a nearby town called Kutná Hora. In this town about 1500 years ago or so, silver was discovered in rather large quantities. :-) Historically, this made "Great Moravia"and Bohemia a suddenly wealthy place, and all Bohemian mints moved to this city, making it quite rich. The mines were abandoned about 700 years ago. This all makes US history seem so young. :-D In this town we saw a church (more like a chapel) in which the bones of 40,000 people have been arranged into crazy pyramids and other things like a chandelier! Its absolutely crazy! Go to my photobucket to see pictures. :-) There were also some skulls from Hussite (Jan Hus) warriors from the Hussite battles. It was crazy to see their injuries and also how some of them were healing and then later died (even though they lived for a while after their injury with a hole in their skull!) that was kind of creepy and I had a conversation with a couple of girls about the fleetingness of life but at that time we didnt get to anything much deeper. Then we had a traditional Czech meal for lunch at a unique restaurant definitely aimed at tourists. I sat with the same girls from the bone church and also one of the Buddy Leaders, Kuba, all of whom I had a good time talking with. Next we went to the 700 year old mine and learned some history, donned white coats and helmets and lanterns, and had a 30-minute tour through some tunnels of the first layer of the mine. It was coated in limestone from years of water dripping through it, it was kind of beautiful in a way. :-) It was basically like a man-made cavern, complete with lakes and some interesting rock formations. After this we went to nearby St. Barbara's cathedral, a place I want to go back to with more time eventually. It is a truly beautiful church, though while discussing it a bit with my new friend Kuba, he expressed his disgust at the "blood money" used to construct such cathedrals. We began a spiritual talk in which I learned he is an atheist and has even studied some of the Bible for school research. Though, not all of it. He was asking me a lot of questions upon learning that I am a Christian. he feels that the dominating atheism in Czech Republic is a good thing and says he doesnt believe in the resurrection. Unfortunately, our talk was cut short by the sudden realization that we might miss our train, so our group of 25 had to haul to get to our train on time, we barely made it. :-)

As for this week of school, nothing great to report, nothing exciting... at this weeks Nation 2 Nation party the US gave a presentation and that was interesting, I tried to participate some to meet people. I saw Kuba again and got to talk with him some more just not about anything spiritual. Due to the smoking and drinking I left as soon as our presentation was over because particularly the smoke bothers me and i have an early class. Today I basically also got asked out by an Egyptian man on the street who was travelling through Czech. :-P That was an interesting experience. I told him I would get together with him tomorrow with a friend, but when he learned I have a boyfriend and was not available tonight he said he won't be in the country tomorrow anyway. I was bummed that I wouldnt get to come with a friend and share Jesus with him.
So, praises...

• my cold is 99% gone. :-) Just fighting a titch of a leftover cough.
• some young guys got to hear about Jesus at sport weekend, as well as some people going to mládež who may not be believers yet.
• nicer weather this week. :-) A bit warmer and beautiful autumn weather!
• the opportunity to finally build some relationships with CESP people and even finally some Czechs. :-)
• the ability to take some classes which are interesting and still learn a lot in the lower Czech class

Prayer Requests...

• Please pray for the Egyptian man who I talked with today, that he may somehow know Jesus even though I was unable to share with him...
• pray for my friend Kuba, and that I can build a good friendship with him. I am going to invite him to a hockey match next weekend with some friends, I think, and hope maybe he will continue his questions. pray he would look into the evidence for the resurrection!
• Pray for the people who heard about Jesus at sport weekend--pray they will continue to have the seeds watered and their hearts softened to the Savior. :-)
• Pray for many of my fellow CESP participants who spend so much time partying and feeling crappy the next day... my roommate Ashley, and Sarah, Judy, John, another John and so many others I cant even remember names to. Pray they would know there is more to life that is so much better than waking up with a hangover.
• Pray that my Czech improves quickly and that I may be able to speak more with my Czech friends next time i am in vsetín. i will not be there abour 3-4 weeks so hopefully I can learn a lot in that time.

Well, čau for now, enjoy your weekend and I will update again soon. :-) Keep in touch prosím!