The biggest thing I've learned is that the first 25 years of my life have been largely ruled by fear. And to be honest, this seems to be a problem that plagues Christians a TON. It can affect anyone, of course, but I think the church culture breeds fear in people that they are not even aware of.
For women, the Bible has excellent teachings on how to be Godly and fill our God-given roles. However, I think the church (perhaps inadvertently in most cases) narrows this role down even further until a mold is created that not everyone fits neatly into. I remember most of the girls' groups in church/youth group giving me the impression that to be Godly I had to be soft-spoken, be pretty girly, and just possess a certain persona that I can't find words to express. But I think anyone can guess what I'm talking about.
Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with this image of a Godly woman. The problem comes in that some of us feel like this is what we HAVE to be even though it's NOT who we are. Of course, for a believer there are certain things that are a given, but God doesn't cram us into a little box and make us all little clones. He created us individually and very uniquely. But because I've been trying SO hard for many years to fit into this box (and therefore also fit into certain social groups, specific (judgmental) churches, etc) I've wasted a LOT of time.
When I could've been out trying new things, I sat at home doing the "same old" because it was SAFE. It was ACCEPTED. It was PROPER. There were things people did, even some Christians, that I scoffed at because how could that POSSIBLY be okay for a CHRISTIAN?! Not because the Bible said so but because once again doing such things meant you wouldn't fit into the neat little Christian box.
I never fit into that stupid box anyway.
One way I DO fit the stupid box is I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom and "housewife", take care of the home to make it the best place possible for my family. It's just a desire of my heart, not what I feel compelled or expected to do. And I'd love to have my own photography business on the side too because that fits in well.
But in many, many ways, I don't fit the box. :) That makes me HAPPY.
I don't have a desire to read Beverly Lewis books. (Christian girly love stories, for the uninformed). I have a tendency to burp aloud (although I try to curb this in appropriate situations). I really, really like cars. There's a list of about 7 or 8 that I wish I could have. I'm a hiking-camping type girl. I enjoy intelligent conversation, not just about men or children (God help me) or cooking or crafts. Nothing wrong with those things but I'd rather talk about cars, goofy stuff, even politics or religion at times, learn new things through conversation... I want my whole life to be a learning experience and glean new things from people I encounter.
Recent discoveries. I like beer. Not all beer, but some beers. I enjoy going out with friends to a bar, playing pool, dancing, drinking a few drinks. Not to get drunk (I discovered this is so not my forte) but to hang out and enjoy. (My new game is to let everyone else be drunk and they won't remember me being crazy anyway :) ). I also love motorcycles (I swore I'd never touch them!). I had one ride and I was hooked. I really wish this was something I could share with my husband because I couldn't think of many more romantic things than having my arms wrapped around my man as he's driving the bike, especially in the mountains or out away from the city somewhere. But perhaps sometime I'll get a license and a bike and do this on my own.
So, I'm a non-girly-girl, beer drinking, mountain climbing, motorcycle-riding, car-loving chick with a no-sass attitude. Totally don't fit the box. But I love God and I can fit all those things into living a Godly life. So there. Who am I? I've still got a lifetime to figure it out and I'm not gonna let no fear stand in my way.
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