At Radiant Church last Sunday, the pastor spoke about the supernatural and physical realms, and focused briefly on the human fascination with the supernatural and fantasy. This small snippet piqued my interest, mostly due to Jason being so into fantasy and it reminding me of how I "categorize" people who are really into fantasy.
Then I realized, agreeing with the pastor, that really, most people are really into fantasy to some degree or another.
We all imagine something more, something greater (at least, most of us do). We imagine things unseen, things more powerful than what we experience in our everyday lives. We imagine new creatures, magical powers, new worlds, and they capture our imaginations and give our hearts hope and adventure we crave in the everyday life.
God promises us this adventure and satisfies our longings for something greater. Or at least, He should. I know I fall far short of allowing the Truth of His word to capture my heart and imagination the way exciting stories and movies do. I just find it funny how we sit in this world, allowing our minds and hearts to be captivated by new, imaginary worlds when God has promised us a REAL one, a real one that will be entirely revealed in the future. In His Word He gives us snippet views of that world (all over Revelation and other prophecy-containing books of the Bible). We even get brand new bodies. We'll never have longings or fears or sadness again... in God there is hope because of Jesus.
Yet even we Christian believers often get caught up in the fantasy of this world, feeling a longing for something more. God created us with that longing--it is natural--but He wants to be the fulfiller of that. There is nothing wrong with enjoying fantasy and made-up worlds in our imagination, but I think when we do not intentionally let God fill us, give Him the first seat in captivating our imaginations, we not only cut Him down but ourselves as well. We deny ourselves that for which we were created. And much as I hate to admit it, I think it's a fine line to walk.
I'm not going to stop enjoying fantasy. But I think I'm going to try to be more intentional about letting the "fantasy" that is REALITY, what God has promised us in the future, the ULTIMATE adventure, captivate my heart above anything I can find here on this earth.
After all, isn't the story always the same? Good vanquishes evil. We know the ending because it's plastered all over history, all over narratives..... it's buried inherently in our hearts. God placed that there and it leads us to Him. He wins, so we win if we're on His side. In the greatest battle of all, We win. And it's still an adventure in the making, even with the ending having already been decided on the cross.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Stress
Stress.
It has pervaded my life for much of the past year. It drives me crazy, makes me worried and irritable and difficult to get along with at times.
I've had stress about jobs, money, relationships, friendships, living situations, just about everything. More than I can name.
But what I've realized on and off, but more and more strongly, is how much I let it affect me. Much, much more than I should.
My relationship with Jason especially suffers when I am stressed, and when we are both stressed, it is much worse. Suddenly every little thing seems to go wrong. A look on the face, a sigh, a particular tiny decision, tone of voice, or simple mistake or misunderstanding. The tiny things can blow up into big fights that make little sense and operate mostly out of confusion. Then fear trickles back in and grows in strength. Then more worry and doubt set in on top of whatever was originally there and the cycle not only continues but strengthens.
God has really put on my heart to be in control of my thoughts and emotions when I'm stressed and exhausted. And I have been a LOT lately. Jason being stressed has not helped but I forget to take that into account and give him the benefit of the doubt. I need to do that much more often. I need to learn to very clearly state that I need to cool off and quiet my mind before continuing a discussion that is getting heated, because when I am stressed especially, I just get confused and emotional and things get out of hand.
I need to remember to put Jason's needs first and keep them in mind, and remember that he has good intentions. He does not WANT to hurt me and does not mean to. He is dealing with a lot right now and I need to be his helper and love him strongly through it even when I'm stressed myself.
Stress really sucks, but I do not want to let it rule me. There are far greater things at stake that need my heart's attention.
It has pervaded my life for much of the past year. It drives me crazy, makes me worried and irritable and difficult to get along with at times.
I've had stress about jobs, money, relationships, friendships, living situations, just about everything. More than I can name.
But what I've realized on and off, but more and more strongly, is how much I let it affect me. Much, much more than I should.
My relationship with Jason especially suffers when I am stressed, and when we are both stressed, it is much worse. Suddenly every little thing seems to go wrong. A look on the face, a sigh, a particular tiny decision, tone of voice, or simple mistake or misunderstanding. The tiny things can blow up into big fights that make little sense and operate mostly out of confusion. Then fear trickles back in and grows in strength. Then more worry and doubt set in on top of whatever was originally there and the cycle not only continues but strengthens.
God has really put on my heart to be in control of my thoughts and emotions when I'm stressed and exhausted. And I have been a LOT lately. Jason being stressed has not helped but I forget to take that into account and give him the benefit of the doubt. I need to do that much more often. I need to learn to very clearly state that I need to cool off and quiet my mind before continuing a discussion that is getting heated, because when I am stressed especially, I just get confused and emotional and things get out of hand.
I need to remember to put Jason's needs first and keep them in mind, and remember that he has good intentions. He does not WANT to hurt me and does not mean to. He is dealing with a lot right now and I need to be his helper and love him strongly through it even when I'm stressed myself.
Stress really sucks, but I do not want to let it rule me. There are far greater things at stake that need my heart's attention.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
TV and stuff
I like TV a lot. Not so much the turn-on-the-boob-tube-and-sit-through-commercials kind of TV, but the pull DVDs off the shelf, be they movies or TV shows, and enjoy them for as long or short a time as I want. :) Me and Jason had an awesome, unprecedented marathon of "Avatar: The Last Airbender" this weekend, as he wasn't feeling good and I was exhausted and we both needed the rest. We watched literally half of the series (the second half) in 2 days. It was amazing. I loved watching the characters grow and witness the obvious but intriguing battle for good over evil. I've really enjoyed discussing these things with Jason since we finished.
But at the same time as I love movies and TV, I feel God telling me right now to make sure I do not idolize fantasy worlds (in general; not the fantasy genre specifically), not to wish I was in another world, and not to waste my precious time on this earth in front of the TV all the time. Of course, Jason and I love movies and love sharing in imagined worlds with one another through TV, and that doesn't have to stop. But I feel God warning me lately not to get too wrapped up in these worlds, so wrapped up that I forget who I am, where I am, and my responsibilities here.
I can be "impressionable". When I relate to characters (and real people as well), I tend to take on certain character traits and people, both real and imaginary, can heavily influence who I am. I must be careful to ensure that it is Christ alone in whom my identity rests, and to guard what influences may enter my mind. Always easier said than done.
Sometimes this world feels "boring". It's the same thing over and over. Get up, go to work, come home and do what needs to be done, sleep, and do it again. Obviously there are fun times but ... my heart longs for adventure. It was created for adventure. Which is why imaginary worlds are so intriguing, so enticing... worlds where we can fly, bend elements, where creatures exist we never thought of, where "magic" exists, etc. And at the same time these worlds are simpler, even more innocent, as the battle between good and evil is usually much clearer and defined. Here, the lines often seem blurred, the adventure of fighting for what is good lost in the mundane responsibilities of life. Of course, that's what makes our world real and others not. But still, stories excite the imagination, and even uplift the spirit to fight through the mundane in extraordinary ways.
Sometimes I really want to just set up a simpler life somewhere else anyway.
But at the same time as I love movies and TV, I feel God telling me right now to make sure I do not idolize fantasy worlds (in general; not the fantasy genre specifically), not to wish I was in another world, and not to waste my precious time on this earth in front of the TV all the time. Of course, Jason and I love movies and love sharing in imagined worlds with one another through TV, and that doesn't have to stop. But I feel God warning me lately not to get too wrapped up in these worlds, so wrapped up that I forget who I am, where I am, and my responsibilities here.
I can be "impressionable". When I relate to characters (and real people as well), I tend to take on certain character traits and people, both real and imaginary, can heavily influence who I am. I must be careful to ensure that it is Christ alone in whom my identity rests, and to guard what influences may enter my mind. Always easier said than done.
Sometimes this world feels "boring". It's the same thing over and over. Get up, go to work, come home and do what needs to be done, sleep, and do it again. Obviously there are fun times but ... my heart longs for adventure. It was created for adventure. Which is why imaginary worlds are so intriguing, so enticing... worlds where we can fly, bend elements, where creatures exist we never thought of, where "magic" exists, etc. And at the same time these worlds are simpler, even more innocent, as the battle between good and evil is usually much clearer and defined. Here, the lines often seem blurred, the adventure of fighting for what is good lost in the mundane responsibilities of life. Of course, that's what makes our world real and others not. But still, stories excite the imagination, and even uplift the spirit to fight through the mundane in extraordinary ways.
Sometimes I really want to just set up a simpler life somewhere else anyway.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Communication
Communication seems to be a huge underlying cause of relational problems, between all people. Not just dating relationships, but all relationships suffer from this. I see it pervading everywhere I go and it drives me crazy.
When people are hurt or angry, they just hold their feelings inside, feeding bitterness and hostility towards another individual who may not even realize they are doing something hurtful. It strains and often breaks relationships, leaving questions unanswered and hearts confused.
People disagree with something that is going on. Instead of confronting the person or people involved, they gossip about it with other people or go to another source first rather than those directly involved. This leaves people frustrated who did not realize they were making someone uncomfortable. Had they been confronted, they likely would be willing to hear the other side and probably to modify the situation in everyone's best interests (of course, both parties need to be willing to listen).
I see this problem at home between parents and kids, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives. I see it at work between coworkers, and between bosses and employees. I see it at church in close friendships, between strangers, and between church-goers and the leadership of the church. I see it everywhere.
And it drives me INSANE.
Not that I never suffer the same problem.
I, like most other people, fear to confront people or share negative feelings I am experiencing, for fear of rejection from the other person, perhaps ridicule, or even worse, indifference. Sometimes I fear that sharing this will injure the other person (although we could all use some healthy injuring at times). Sometimes I'd just rather let someone else deal with it and not do it myself.
But this is not right, by me or anyone else. So many relationships are screwed up because of this problem. Myself and others need to:
Stand by the promises we make
Hear out carefully what others have to say
Lovingly confront those who are hurting us
Stop refusing to deal with problems out of fear
Communicate our feelings to those we care about and others in our lives
Consider the repercussions not only on ourselves personally, but on the other individual(s) involved as well, and also the relationship we have with that person(s).
If we could all communicate just a little better, everyone's lives would be a lot more pleasant and enjoyable, and peaceful. :)
When people are hurt or angry, they just hold their feelings inside, feeding bitterness and hostility towards another individual who may not even realize they are doing something hurtful. It strains and often breaks relationships, leaving questions unanswered and hearts confused.
People disagree with something that is going on. Instead of confronting the person or people involved, they gossip about it with other people or go to another source first rather than those directly involved. This leaves people frustrated who did not realize they were making someone uncomfortable. Had they been confronted, they likely would be willing to hear the other side and probably to modify the situation in everyone's best interests (of course, both parties need to be willing to listen).
I see this problem at home between parents and kids, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives. I see it at work between coworkers, and between bosses and employees. I see it at church in close friendships, between strangers, and between church-goers and the leadership of the church. I see it everywhere.
And it drives me INSANE.
Not that I never suffer the same problem.
I, like most other people, fear to confront people or share negative feelings I am experiencing, for fear of rejection from the other person, perhaps ridicule, or even worse, indifference. Sometimes I fear that sharing this will injure the other person (although we could all use some healthy injuring at times). Sometimes I'd just rather let someone else deal with it and not do it myself.
But this is not right, by me or anyone else. So many relationships are screwed up because of this problem. Myself and others need to:
Stand by the promises we make
Hear out carefully what others have to say
Lovingly confront those who are hurting us
Stop refusing to deal with problems out of fear
Communicate our feelings to those we care about and others in our lives
Consider the repercussions not only on ourselves personally, but on the other individual(s) involved as well, and also the relationship we have with that person(s).
If we could all communicate just a little better, everyone's lives would be a lot more pleasant and enjoyable, and peaceful. :)
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Waiting on God
Many people say they are waiting on God, waiting on signs and direction from God, etc. I myself say this a lot. But every time I think it or hear it, I find myself asking, "what exactly am I looking for as an answer?" Or, what is the other person looking for?
I definitely understand praying and seeking God on decisions and direction, especially big ones. But I also know there are times to wait and times to press forward and make a decision based on faith and Truth.
In my small group in college we listened to a series called "Decision Making and the Will of God". I don't remember too much except the distinctions between free will and God's sovereign will, and even more starkly, that God isn't always going to drop a clear answer in our lap but expects us to grow up spiritually enough to make decisions that are wise and that honor Him. It's like the verse in Ephesians about spiritual milk versus solid food. God wants us to grow in Him to a solid food stage. Now, I don't think this means that in every instance we just say "okay, I'm spiritually mature so this is what I think is right." I think He wants us to deliberate, to think, to pray, to refresh our minds in His word. But there comes a point when ultimately we are mature enough to use the Truth we know to make decisions that honor God and are good for our lives.
Maybe this is why sometimes, when we pray, we don't seem to get answers.
Maybe God is saying, whispering, "you know Me... you know my Word... seek my Word, seek wisdom from mature believers, remember what you know about Me.... then make a decision that you know will make Me smile."
And sometimes there is more than one right choice. And that's really cool. Sometimes God gives us options. Sometimes I think He simply wants us to decide. He presents two or more good options and maybe those are opportunities for us to practice making decisions and growing. Maybe these are growing opportunities.
I wonder how this might change my outlook on some decisions I make in the near future.
I definitely understand praying and seeking God on decisions and direction, especially big ones. But I also know there are times to wait and times to press forward and make a decision based on faith and Truth.
In my small group in college we listened to a series called "Decision Making and the Will of God". I don't remember too much except the distinctions between free will and God's sovereign will, and even more starkly, that God isn't always going to drop a clear answer in our lap but expects us to grow up spiritually enough to make decisions that are wise and that honor Him. It's like the verse in Ephesians about spiritual milk versus solid food. God wants us to grow in Him to a solid food stage. Now, I don't think this means that in every instance we just say "okay, I'm spiritually mature so this is what I think is right." I think He wants us to deliberate, to think, to pray, to refresh our minds in His word. But there comes a point when ultimately we are mature enough to use the Truth we know to make decisions that honor God and are good for our lives.
Maybe this is why sometimes, when we pray, we don't seem to get answers.
Maybe God is saying, whispering, "you know Me... you know my Word... seek my Word, seek wisdom from mature believers, remember what you know about Me.... then make a decision that you know will make Me smile."
And sometimes there is more than one right choice. And that's really cool. Sometimes God gives us options. Sometimes I think He simply wants us to decide. He presents two or more good options and maybe those are opportunities for us to practice making decisions and growing. Maybe these are growing opportunities.
I wonder how this might change my outlook on some decisions I make in the near future.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Decisions Decisions
So... I've potentially been offered yet another job. I have a profile on a website called nannies4hire. I've been ignoring it since getting my job with Lifetouch, but got a message from a family in Monument this morning. They were interested in me because of my musical background especially. They have a salary (per week) ranging from 300-700... even if I was making 500, I'd be ridiculously comfortable financially. I figured out that after all my bills, if I had a 630/month lease with 25 bucks pet rent and some estimated utilities, I'd still have around 700/month left over to save, tithe, and have fun with.
I love my job with Lifetouch. I love taking pictures, hanging out with my co workers, learning a little about photography, and making kids smile in schools. I love that we're in a different place every day or three. I wish I could get guaranteed hours and that the job was full year-round, but still, I love my job.
On the other hand, this job has its perks too, besides money. I would be working 11 hours a day, 4 days per week. Out of those 11 hours, only 3-4 would be with the kids (elementary aged, not toddlers, so much more fun for me). The in-between times would be spent doing household stuff for the family--shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. I really don't mind doing those things, especially by myself. I can be introverted and sometimes really enjoy working by myself. So the job wouldn't end up being exhausting. Paid holidays. Paid health insurance. Good deal.
I'm wondering what God might be telling me through this. I figure that
1. He could be reminding me that I have a job that I love and even though it pays less, it's a great job I love and I can be more flexible with it, especially when it comes to things like moving and getting married. Maybe He's trying to get me to realize I love money too much and need to remember that money is not everything and He will provide.
2. He could be answering prayer! I constantly pray for God to provide when it comes to me and Jason's jobs and income. What I really wish is that He'd provide JASON a really good job, but the offers seem to keep falling into my lap, which I just don't get. Jason is the one who needs to and wants to be the provider. But if God's going to provide for us, might this job be an answer?
I have no freakin' idea. this is so frustrating. The biggest frustration is they want someone to start by the end of the month, leaving very little time for decision making. Please pray hardcore, and provide input. I'm leaning toward staying with Lifetouch, but I can't make a decision without taking time to pray and think.
I love my job with Lifetouch. I love taking pictures, hanging out with my co workers, learning a little about photography, and making kids smile in schools. I love that we're in a different place every day or three. I wish I could get guaranteed hours and that the job was full year-round, but still, I love my job.
On the other hand, this job has its perks too, besides money. I would be working 11 hours a day, 4 days per week. Out of those 11 hours, only 3-4 would be with the kids (elementary aged, not toddlers, so much more fun for me). The in-between times would be spent doing household stuff for the family--shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. I really don't mind doing those things, especially by myself. I can be introverted and sometimes really enjoy working by myself. So the job wouldn't end up being exhausting. Paid holidays. Paid health insurance. Good deal.
I'm wondering what God might be telling me through this. I figure that
1. He could be reminding me that I have a job that I love and even though it pays less, it's a great job I love and I can be more flexible with it, especially when it comes to things like moving and getting married. Maybe He's trying to get me to realize I love money too much and need to remember that money is not everything and He will provide.
2. He could be answering prayer! I constantly pray for God to provide when it comes to me and Jason's jobs and income. What I really wish is that He'd provide JASON a really good job, but the offers seem to keep falling into my lap, which I just don't get. Jason is the one who needs to and wants to be the provider. But if God's going to provide for us, might this job be an answer?
I have no freakin' idea. this is so frustrating. The biggest frustration is they want someone to start by the end of the month, leaving very little time for decision making. Please pray hardcore, and provide input. I'm leaning toward staying with Lifetouch, but I can't make a decision without taking time to pray and think.
Monday, August 9, 2010
I am Le Tired
I love my job.
But sometimes, coming home and feeling exhausted is just not fun. I want to have energy to enjoy the rest of my day, but usually I'm so tired I don't want to clean, or exercise, or do much else besides eat (but not cook if I can help it), chill on the couch, maybe watch something, and fall asleep.
I don't want life to be that way!
Maybe it will just take time to get used to my job. In all honesty, i feel like I'm already adjusting to the long hours. I don't feel quite as exhausted as I did last week. But still, as of right now I've been up for 16 hours and 20 minutes. Bedtime is in about 2 hours.
What I really want is to have energy to come home and cook a nice dinner for me and Jason, keep things clean (okay, if I did better at that to begin with it wouldn't be such a problem. :) ), go for a nice brisk walk or something, and just feel like I'm truly pouring into him. I think I know how Jason feels after his long days now. It's hard to be in a place where both of us have jobs where we may work really long hours and be exhausted, because then it's hard to pour into each other and help each other. I guess as we move from one stage of our relationship to another, we'll learn better how to balance things and share the load, especially when we are married.
But right now it's just hard.
*YawN*
But sometimes, coming home and feeling exhausted is just not fun. I want to have energy to enjoy the rest of my day, but usually I'm so tired I don't want to clean, or exercise, or do much else besides eat (but not cook if I can help it), chill on the couch, maybe watch something, and fall asleep.
I don't want life to be that way!
Maybe it will just take time to get used to my job. In all honesty, i feel like I'm already adjusting to the long hours. I don't feel quite as exhausted as I did last week. But still, as of right now I've been up for 16 hours and 20 minutes. Bedtime is in about 2 hours.
What I really want is to have energy to come home and cook a nice dinner for me and Jason, keep things clean (okay, if I did better at that to begin with it wouldn't be such a problem. :) ), go for a nice brisk walk or something, and just feel like I'm truly pouring into him. I think I know how Jason feels after his long days now. It's hard to be in a place where both of us have jobs where we may work really long hours and be exhausted, because then it's hard to pour into each other and help each other. I guess as we move from one stage of our relationship to another, we'll learn better how to balance things and share the load, especially when we are married.
But right now it's just hard.
*YawN*
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